Musings on Motherhood // It's Just Hard

I've been back to work since March 1st and I'm still trying to find my groove. I understand it might take another week, another month, another year, until I feel like we've hit our rhythm, but in the meantime, we are doing our very best.

"Nothing's wrong, it's just hard." Bunmi Laditan, the author behind the Honest Toddler, wrote a post recently on Facebook about this and holy cow has it resonated with me.  It's just so true. Nothing is wrong. We are blessed beyond belief: our basic needs are fulfilled, we are healthy, we laugh every day, we have jobs we enjoy, family and friends we love, life is good.

But it's really hard right now. I feel like I've put in a full day of work just wrangling two kids every morning to get out the door to daycare so I can get to work at a decent time. And parents of toddler's know, every day is different. I never know when the next tantrum is going to come and whether I'll be able to negotiate with the tiny terrorist before full-blown armageddon happens.

And getting to work without spit up or food crumbs or spilled latte or salt from the car on me is a damn miracle. Praise Jesus when this happens because Lord knows it's only a matter of time.

Once each kid is in their car seats, I can breathe a little bit. But it takes a special strength to run the gauntlet from the doors of daycare to the classroom. Drinking fountains, trampolines, couches, LIZARDS, toys...You guys, we have to say good morning to the school pets (LIZARDS) every. single. morning. This week we made it to the classroom without stopping and it was the biggest victory!!

I work all day, trying not to think that being a mother and having kids hurt my career, trying not to read into any comments from coworkers, and trying to lean in.

And then it's off to daycare to pick up the boys and soak up as much quality time with them until bedtime.

Rinse and repeat.

So, nothing is wrong. It's just hard. Life with two is amazing, and crazy. Going back to work is the most natural thing, and the toughest. I've been leaning hard into my oils for emotional support lately. Frankincense for grounding, Valor for courage, White Angelica for easing my anxiety. Grateful every single day I have them in my toolbox.

This weekend, I'm making time for extra self-care because truthfully, I need it. And I'm trying to be better at saying that. So yesterday, I took time to bake a batch of gluten-free brownies, slept in an extra 45 minutes today, and am going to take a long hot shower tonight. All things that help me feel normal. How do you recharge?

Nothing is wrong. It's just hard. And I know it gets easier so that's the beauty of this phase. It's temporary. And that gives me all sorts of hope.

xoxo,
Alex