Musings on Motherhood // It's Just Hard

I've been back to work since March 1st and I'm still trying to find my groove. I understand it might take another week, another month, another year, until I feel like we've hit our rhythm, but in the meantime, we are doing our very best.

"Nothing's wrong, it's just hard." Bunmi Laditan, the author behind the Honest Toddler, wrote a post recently on Facebook about this and holy cow has it resonated with me.  It's just so true. Nothing is wrong. We are blessed beyond belief: our basic needs are fulfilled, we are healthy, we laugh every day, we have jobs we enjoy, family and friends we love, life is good.

But it's really hard right now. I feel like I've put in a full day of work just wrangling two kids every morning to get out the door to daycare so I can get to work at a decent time. And parents of toddler's know, every day is different. I never know when the next tantrum is going to come and whether I'll be able to negotiate with the tiny terrorist before full-blown armageddon happens.

And getting to work without spit up or food crumbs or spilled latte or salt from the car on me is a damn miracle. Praise Jesus when this happens because Lord knows it's only a matter of time.

Once each kid is in their car seats, I can breathe a little bit. But it takes a special strength to run the gauntlet from the doors of daycare to the classroom. Drinking fountains, trampolines, couches, LIZARDS, toys...You guys, we have to say good morning to the school pets (LIZARDS) every. single. morning. This week we made it to the classroom without stopping and it was the biggest victory!!

I work all day, trying not to think that being a mother and having kids hurt my career, trying not to read into any comments from coworkers, and trying to lean in.

And then it's off to daycare to pick up the boys and soak up as much quality time with them until bedtime.

Rinse and repeat.

So, nothing is wrong. It's just hard. Life with two is amazing, and crazy. Going back to work is the most natural thing, and the toughest. I've been leaning hard into my oils for emotional support lately. Frankincense for grounding, Valor for courage, White Angelica for easing my anxiety. Grateful every single day I have them in my toolbox.

This weekend, I'm making time for extra self-care because truthfully, I need it. And I'm trying to be better at saying that. So yesterday, I took time to bake a batch of gluten-free brownies, slept in an extra 45 minutes today, and am going to take a long hot shower tonight. All things that help me feel normal. How do you recharge?

Nothing is wrong. It's just hard. And I know it gets easier so that's the beauty of this phase. It's temporary. And that gives me all sorts of hope.

xoxo,
Alex

Currently // February 2018

Here's the maternity leave edition of what I've been up to. Tomorrow, I ship both boys off to daycare and head back to work. Currently feeling ALL the feels!

READING // Cultivate: A Grace-Filled Guide to Growing an Intentional Life, A Simplified Life, What Works for Women at Work, Little Fires Everywhere, Gameplan, Good As Gone, The Women in the Castle (honestly though, I can't remember if I read this one before or during my leave!)

LISTENING TO // The Universe Has Your Back, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, and Educated: A Memoir (I'm slowly getting into Audible...I'm not an auditory learner since my mind starts to wander so I find myself rewinding a lot, but it's a nice alternative to staring at a screen!)

EATING // I did a mostly Whole30 in January. It was going great, and tanking my supply. So I had to make some adjustments but found a couple great recipes that we'll definitely be using, like this Whole30 compliant Zuppa Toscana. I've made it 3 times since January. It's that good.

THANKFUL // That I even get this time to spend with my family and bond with Liam. The statistics regarding maternity leave in the United States are quite appalling.

PLANNING // Declan's birthday breakfast! We celebrate birthdays very lowkey around here. No parties, just a special breakfast, a couple gifts, and then we go on a family adventure. Last year we went to the zoo. This year, we are debating between Camp Snoopy (yes, it will always be called this), Choo Choo Bob's Train Store, or the Children's Museum. But it's his golden birthday so we're making it special!

WORKING ON // My cloffice (closet + office). My old landing space of an office became Liam's nursery. We put the desk in the basement but I wasn't loving the proximity to the boys when I was working at night. So, I came up with an idea to add an mini office to my walk-in closet. It's amazing and I love it. I can't wait to show you what it looks like!

WEARING // I earned a new FitBit Alta HR and love wearing it as I start ramping up my activity. It's a good reminder when I'm sitting all day to get up and move. Plus it does silent alarms which I'll use for staying on my pumping schedule. The worst part is seeing how I slept the night before...or didn't sleep. Because the struggle is real.

WATCHING // Well, I think I watched every single sport in the Winter Olympics, I caught up on Outlander, and still haven't watched this season of This Is Us. So win some, lose some.

That's it for now! I'm going to go slather on some Valor to help me prepare for tomorrow!

xoxo,
Alex

Musings on Motherhood // Trying.

*I wrote this three years ago, as we started trying to have a baby. Occasionally, I'll write something and never hit publish. I need space with my thoughts before sharing them with the world. But I was encouraged today by a friend to do my part in making these conversations public.

For anyone out there trying, here's a fist bump of solidarity heading your way. I've been there and it made me lose my mind for a bit. 

Trying.

They don't tell you trying will be the hardest thing ever. Trying to keep your hopes up. That you'll avoid facebook because since you've started trying only a few months ago, 19 couples you are friends with have announced they are expecting.

That every time your mom offers you a glass of wine at the cabin you wonder if you should accept. Or you'll make up an excuse about trying to lose vacation weight and alcohol is the first thing to go. Anything to get her to not think you are trying

But since your mom is your best friend, she's the first one you want to tell you are trying. So instead you blurt it out to friends you trust and hope they keep it private.

That you downloaded an app. Yeah, an app to track things. Ugh. Why? Trying has made me crazy.

Or April 1 passes and you get literally angry at anyone who thinks its acceptable to pull a pregnancy prank.

That you start trying and then you read about infertility and your heart breaks for women who struggle to get pregnant. 

And you secretly hope you won't be one of them...

That every time that time of the month comes you try to stay hopeful but you feel discouraged.

It's supposed to be a magic time, lots of love making but this insane amount of pressure immediately is put upon you. And most of it is put on by you.

I pray more, work out more, eat healthier. Every little bit helps right?

Trying is exciting yet trying sucks. 
Because so often you go through this whirlwind alone.
Well, if you are trying, 

Have hope.
Keep the faith.

And feel free to vent to me. I'll listen.

xoxo,
Alex

Project Flashback: Declan's First Nursery

While we are loving our new house, I can't help but look back at some of the last projects we did before we moved last year. I think Declan only ended up sleeping in his own room for a couple weeks before we moved to my parents, but putting together a nursery is just something you have to do as new parents, right?

As part of our overall remodel, we painted the trim white, painted the walls to match the rest of the first floor, and replaced the doors and light fixture.

It freshened the room right up! Once the paint was dry, we (and by we, of course I mean, Kurtis) put the furniture together. I read the directions, which really is equally as important when dealing with IKEA dressers.

I was starting to feel like a whale in my last trimester, but I treasure this photo so much I didn't take many bump shots so when I stumble across one, it makes me so happy to see that big belly. 

All the furniture came with us to the new house, but man, it's still not pulled together yet. My next project should be pulling together Declan's room!

xoxo,

Alex

Bright and Colorful Toddler Books

I'm popping in real quick to share a couple new children's books we are loving right now: the Alphaprints series from Roger Priddy. The pictures are bright and colorful, full of textures, and the rhymes are fun to read.

 
ABC

 
123


Colors

Declan will sit and flip through them for a good amount of time, pointing and giggling at the drawings. It's the best. I've already given them as gifts at a baby shower since we love them so much. If you are looking for a good book for a toddler, I encourage you to check these out!

xoxo,
Alex

*Affiliate links are used in this post

Staging to Sell

About a year ago, we started seriously getting our house ready to sell. We had finished the basement reno and with that added square footage, we wanted to take advantage of the spring housing market. We had one more project to tackle, the kitchen, but today we're talking about staging your house to sell.

Knowing we were going to have a very young baby while the house was on the market, I wanted to be as prepared as possible. The housing market was hot so I knew our professional photos had to be perfect. Most home buyers these days are shopping online and we wanted as many showings as possible.

So while I was still on maternity leave, I got the house as picture perfect as we could. We were on a fast timeline so our professional photos were taken on Tuesday and the listing went live on Thursday. We had 14 showings that weekend and by Sunday, we had 4 offers. It seemed quick and a complete whirlwind, but it was our prep work that paid off.

If you are thinking about putting your house on the market this spring, here are my tips for staging to sell!

DECLUTTER
This is the toughest step and it takes the longest, so it's crucial you do this first. Go through your stuff and donate/toss anything and everything you do not want to move. Even if you think maybe my future house will have a need for this, stop right there. If you are not completely in love with it, it goes. If you will be heartbroken without it, keep it.

There is nothing as eye-opening as packing up all your stuff to move. The sheer amount of things we accumulate is crazy. And for me, it is something I have to work really hard on. I married a minimalist. I'm a keeper. During this time, I did a lot of letting go. The usuals: clothes, paper piles, books, CDs, DVDs, etc. But I also had to let go of kitchen items we never used, craft projects I hadn't gotten around to yet, keepsakes that held sentimental value for me but wouldn't be part of my future, and photos that should have been tossed years before (thank you double prints from the film years!). Those ones took some time to say goodbye to. Because I'm weird.

But, I don't miss any of it. Honestly. Instead, I've focused on designing our new house into a home that fits our life now. Not eventually. But it meets us where we are right now. Maybe that minimalist attitude is rubbing off on me!

DECORATE OR UNDECORATE
Analyze your decor. You need to use a really critical eye and think like a potential buyer. When possible, try to err on the side of classic, rather than trendy. But classic with a modern twist, not too dated. Easy, right?

When in doubt, do a little pinterest-surfing to see what's in right now. We knew light and bright, with lots of gray and white would feel fresh yet classic in our old house. And it did.

The trick is to simplify. Too many knick-knacks or ugly artwork will distract a buyer from seeing the bones of your house. Same with a paint color that takes some loving. How many times have you watched a show on HGTV where the buyers focus on the wallpaper, paint color, or something incredibly easy to fix? It happens all the time. Take away the distractions and undecorate if you need.

But leave your house feeling like a home. Too empty and it will feel cold. So strive to find a balance in your decor. Bring a friend in for a second pair of eyes. Your realtor should be able to point out a few things that might need switching around too.

DEPERSONALIZE
Experts say you need to depersonalize your house to let your buyers imagine themselves there, living in your home. We didn't depersonalize as much as we could have, but our house isn't covered in photos of our family. Instead, we purposely left a wedding photo and another photo of the two of us out in the main room.

I was fairly confident that our potential buyers would be looking at our home as a starter home, probably not have kids, and on the younger side. I wanted to leave photos out that would inspire a couple to see themselves in their first home. And it worked! Our buyers were an engaged couple who met in grad school, getting married this summer. Just like K and I were, many moons ago.

EMPHASIZE STORAGE
If you've decluttered, you are off to a great start. When staging your house, I recommend cleaning out your closets so they are only half full. You must emphasize storage. I cannot say that enough! Even the smallest closet can look bigger when it's only half full.

We added shelves in our garage earlier in the year and used them to store a bunch of things from the inside closets during our showings. We also filled our suitcases - no use wasting all that space!

While emphasizing your storage areas might be trickier for you to do, it really makes a difference in staging. When we were house hunting, I opened every single closet in the houses we toured. And the ones that were overflowing were really tough to see past the clutter to the potential. It was doable but much harder.

PAY ATTENTION TO CURB APPEAL
While we were looking at houses, we did so many drive bys before even considering scheduling a showing. Most the times we were trying to get a feel for the neighborhood and whether the yard and street were even something we'd consider. Believe me, there is so much that you don't see online! But the houses that attracted us had curb appeal.

If you are actively trying to attract buyers to your house, you have to pay attention to curb appeal! Weed your landscaping, mow the yard, add some flowers in a fun color (we chose purple to honor Prince!), and clean those windows.

Oh, and don't forget to open your blinds or curtains! A house feels much more open and welcoming from the outside when it's not shut off because of window treatments.

CLEAN ALL THE THINGS
Everything you've ever thought about cleaning and never really get around to each week (i.e. baseboards, fridge, window sills, light fixtures, windows), you need to clean. Now is the time to have a spotless house.

If you have your house on the market for a while, I know this is the toughest part. Always being ready to go in case a showing get scheduled. But doing a deep clean before your photos are taken, and before you go on the market will make the upkeep that much easier. Strangers are weird and they notice everything. Things that have faded from your mind in day to day living will suddenly be in the spotlight. You don't want cobwebs and dust bunnies getting in the way of selling your house!

Once you do all these things, you are ready for your professional photos to be taken and ready for showings and/or an open house! You may not want to move since your house looks so damn good, but remember, you aren't staging your house to stay. You are staging your house to sell.

What staging tips worked for you?

xoxo,

Alex

Quoted // Anna Wintour

“I think it’s very important for children to understand that women work and that it’s fulfilling and it doesn’t mean that they love you any less or care about you any less. I also hope from my kids’ perspectives, they saw how rewarding and fulfilling working was. I think it’s important for kids to understand that.”

-Anna Wintour on teaching her children the importance of women’s careers

Musings on Motherhood // One Year

A year of firsts. 

First night at home. First walk. First laugh. First roll. First crawl. First steps. First mama, first dada. First sick day, first bump, first bruise. First time up north, trip to the zoo, and adventure to the park.

And then, in a blink of an eye, the firsts became routine. And he grew. And grew and grew. 

My once tiny seven pound baby is now a 20+ pound whirling dervish that doesn't stand still. Time doesn't stand still either.

I've been treasuring every single cuddle and hug lately. It's like he knows I need them more than ever right now.
   

Becoming a mother has completely transformed me. I feel like a completely different  person than I was before Declan. Maybe it doesn't seem so outwardly, but inside, I feel it. It's so difficult to put into words but I'm certain other mothers might understand what I'm going through.

A piece of my heart now lives outside my body.

xoxo,

Alex

Photo Credit: Anna Winberg Photography

Quoted // Sally Clarkson

"All people need a place where their roots can grow deep and they always feel like they belong and have a loving refuge. And all people need a place that gives wings to their dreams, nurturing possibilities of who they might become."
-- Sally Clarkson, The Lifegiving Home

Easy Entertaining // Deviled Eggs with Bacon

Happy Super Bowl Sunday! Need a last minute appetizer? Here you go!

We love deviled eggs over here. Every time I make them, they are gone in a blink. So, I always double the amount I make for next time. Guess what? It doesn't matter. They still disappear. Anyway, it's another easy appetizer to keep in your back pocket because the ingredients are simple, and typically on hand. But your presentation can make them look fancy and impressive. 

For whatever reason, I think most people either forget about this option, or think they are difficult to make. That being said, if you show up with a platter of these babies at your next party, you are basically going to win the appetizers.

Here's the basic recipe and a few tips and tricks to make them even easier.

Deviled Eggs with Bacon

Hard Boiled Eggs
Mayo
Mustard
Paprika
Bacon

For the hard boiled eggs, I follow Martha's recipe and it's foolproof. The trick is to really wait for a full boil, not just a simmer before pulling them off the heat.

Once the eggs are cool, cut the eggs in half as evenly as you can. Dump the yolks into a bowl and lay the egg whites, dent up, into a tupperware for refrigerating. I've had better luck assembling on site than trying to take them with you pre-assembled. If I had a deviled egg container, I'm sure this wouldn't be an issue!

Once you have the whites separated, you can store them in the fridge until you are ready to assemble. 

Let's make the filling! In a bowl, mash the yolks with a fork or masher so they start crumbling. 

Now here's where I might lose novice cooks since I don't actually measure but trust me, you've got this! Trust your instincts and go slow. You can always add but you can't take away. 

Add a spoonful of mayo and mix in with the yolks. We're going for creamy texture, no bumps. 

Add a teaspoon of mustard. This is purely a matter of taste. I don't love them super mustardy but others do. Either way, you want the filling to be very creamy but not liquidy. How's that for directions?!

Once you have it mixed and tasting the way you want it, put it in a ziploc bag and toss it in the fridge.

You can use the ziploc bag to pipe the filling into the eggs. Just snip off a corner and you have a homemade pastry bag. This is where having a good consistency on the filling comes in handy so you don't get clogs while piping.

Now, you can be done right here. Or you can take it one step further. We like to add bacon to our deviled eggs, because what doesn't taste better with bacon?

Cook a couple strips of bacon on the griddle, in a skillet, in the oven - however you do. Once they are cooled a bit, dice up the strips and set aside until assembly time. 

When you are ready to assemble your deviled eggs, lay out they egg whites and pipe in the yolk mixture until full. Then, sprinkle the paprika on and add the bacon on top. I usually try to make sure there are a few chunks of bacon bits on each egg.

Then, stand back, because there will be a stampede of people coming at you trying to devour these Deviled Eggs with Bacon!

xoxo,
Alex

P.S. Try this delicious dip or these stuffed mushrooms for more gameday appetizer options!

Currently // February 2017

Well, we blinked and it's already February. Here's what I'm currently up to:

ANTICIPATING // Girls In STEM is next week! I love this event because it combines my full-time job with my full-time passion.

READING // Just finished Missing, Presumed and am in the middle of The Lifegiving Home. Recently, I was pretty entertained by The Assistants (a light read). And I kicked off the new year with Make It Happen.

LISTENING TO // Gaga. I can't wait to see her perform tomorrow! Will she top Bruno and Bey?!

PLANNING // My garden! I've ordered seed catalogs and am deciding what to grow this summer.

LEARNING // To find peace in the tension between being a mama and a professional.

LOVING // Watching Declan grow! I can't believe he turns one next month. Cue tears.

WORKING ON // A gallery wall for our family room. It's time to put a little life on these walls!

WEARING // These boots that Santa brought. I'm in love.

DREAMING OF // Sunshine and somewhere warm. February is always a bit blah, don't you think?

WATCHING // The Crown. Anyone else watching?


What are you currently up to?

xoxo,
Alex

Thrive

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style."

-- Maya Angelou

“I always thought that the “thriving” would come when everything was perfect, and what I learned is that it’s actually down in the mess that things get good.”
-- Joanna Gaines

I'm consciously not trying to add anything to my plate this year. I feel like I'm in a good spot, a really good spot. My goal is to dig in and thrive. Thrive at home, thrive at work, thrive as Alex. Thriving right where I am, right now.

In working through my PowerSheets, I uncovered 7 goals for the year. For the sake of accountability, I wanted to share them. In no particular order, here we go:

CULTIVATE A LIFE-GIVING HOME

Why: After finding our new home last year, it's really been at the forefront of my thoughts that this is where Declan will grow up. It's so important to me that this house be full of love, family, and friends. Full of life. A safe place for all of us to put down roots and spread our wings. 

Starting Steps: De-cluttering! I love to hush the house after the holidays. For January, I want to get at least three bags full for donation or trash. Simplify, simplify, simplify! While I don't think I'll ever be a minimalist, I can definitely appreciate paring down and focusing only on what matters and brings us joy.

HONOR MY BODY

Why: After being pregnant and having a baby, my body went through quite the transformation. My stomach stretched, my boobs sold themselves to my pump, my hair fell out, and 5 (or less!) hours of sleep became standard. All totally normal but hard to transition to after I had gotten into a good rhythm with my health. When I had Declan, I gave myself a year of grace to not worry about getting my body back. Because let's be serious, that's never going to happen. I have a completely new body, one that made a baby, and evicted him after a grueling 30 hour labor. I'm continuing my quest to give myself grace to respect that a miracle happened here and to honor that. So, this is less about getting back to the old me, and instead being the best me that I can and honoring my body.

This goal originally was START WEIGHT TRAINING but I realized that it's more than that. So I'm changing it, two weeks into the new year. And I love that I'm okay with that. Honoring my body means taking care of it with good food and exercise, as well as checking in on my mental health throughout the year, especially during stressful times.

Starting Steps: I launched into a January Whole30. I'm on day 8 since I waited until after our company party to start. I'm also going to one group exercise class each week. I'm also planning to start lifting weights at home once a week. Little by little it all adds up!


GROW A GARDEN

Why: This is something I've been wanting to do for the last couple years, but never had the space to do it. But now we do, and so my big project of the year is going to be grow a garden. My grandparents had a large garden at the lake and I loved going out there to pick our salad for supper. Growing our own garden gets us outside after work, an activity to do with my boys, and incentive to keep eating healthy. Win win. Plus, growing something and digging in the dirt is just so therapeutic. It will be good for my soul.

Starting Steps: Right now we're in planning mode! At the end of the summer we picked out a spot and need to just finalize the size and shape. I've ordered a few seed catalogs to get inspiration. The first one arrived this week!

DATE MY HUSBAND

Why: Why not?! Seriously though, I love that man more than ever. Finding alone time, however can be a bit tricky with a new babe. We are committed to building a strong marriage and partnership, so we are committing to go on a monthly date without Declan. But since we love that boy, we're also want to make family adventures a priority with at least one adventure a month.

Starting Steps: Scheduling a date for this month. We love trying new restaurants and have a few on our list to get to. But since variety is the spice of life, I'm always looking for fun date ideas!

READ AND WRITE MORE

Why: These things give me joy and moments to pause and reflect.

Starting Steps: Turn on my Kindle. I have loads of good books on my reading list so I just got to find time. One way I'm doing this is having a social media free weekend. Instead of scrolling Instagram, I'm reading. I've already finished one book and am on to the second!

AMPLIFY THE CGL

Why: More than ever, we need to empower women and girls. The Center for Girls' Leadership does just that and I couldn't be more proud of all that we've accomplished over the last five years. But now is the time to amplify our efforts. We can't give up now.

Starting Steps: Our third annual Girls In STEM event is in February (tell a friend!) and we're working on a new curriculum to launch our mentoring program late this year. If you felt that 2016 ended with a kick in the pants to take action, there are plenty of ways to get involved.

CHOOSE FAITH OVER FEAR

Why: Because I believe. I believe in good people. I believe in doing the right thing. I believe in giving back. I believe in my faith.

Starting Steps: I'm praying daily. And reading something from the She Reads Truth app each week to keep me focused on my faith.

Are you still reading?! So there are my current goals for the year. All focused on thriving in the present. I'll do a refresh in a couple months and will keep you posted on any progress. 

Now, I'd love to hear from you. What are your goals for the year? How can I encourage you in cultivating what matters? Remember, progress not perfection!

xoxo,

Alex

P.S. Any fun date ideas for us?